• Movies Remind of Life’s Constants

    by  • December 2, 2011 • On Culture

    Writer Samuel Taylor Coleridge noted a long, long time ago that enjoyment of fiction requires our “willing suspension of disbelief.” That, of course, was long before films and television hit the scene. This Internet list of “Things You Would Never Know Without the Movies” is proof of Coleridge’s adage.

    • During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
    • All beds have L-shaped cover sheets which reach up the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man who lay beside her.
    • All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
    • It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk you down.
    • The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any part of the building undetected.
    • It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
    • It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
    • Once applied, lipstick will never rub off—even while scuba diving.
    • Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that it is aired.
    • Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
    • Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
    • All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.
    • If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even if you haven’t been carrying any before now.
    • You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
    • A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
    • If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
    • Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat them.
    • Cars that crash will always burst into flames.
    • All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
    • Even driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.